The long term effects of bullying

A long time ago (but obviously not that long as I am still only 24!!) I worked for a small firm in a small HR department.  There was an HR Director, and HR Manager, a Training Advisor and me – HR Advisor and in realistic terms Administrator too.  This was not a huge company but we were very busy.

The HR Director had been with the company for a very long time and at one point was the only HR there was – in her opinion one person could probably do it all by working all the time!   In my eyes she personified all that is wrong with our profession, she was paperwork obsessed (something that I struggle with as I am dyslexic), controlling, micro managed everyone and very very secretive.  Our department was therefore not as open as I felt effect HR support should be.  She actually had a list of people she wanted out of the organisation and work actively seek ways to exit those people – nuff said.

I was at a conference one day when I was urgently called back to the office – very cloak and dagger!  It turned out that there was an investigation for disciplinary action being carried out against me.  What had happened was I had mistakenly picked up a piece of paper regarding staff pay, when taking files from my desk to talk to a manager, and left it on that managers desk.

For clarity I should say that employees at this organisation were not paid to a scale but each individual negotiated their own salary.  It was “forbidden” to discuss pay with a colleague.  Fair enough I made a mistake and fair enough that I was pulled up but the manner in which it was done left me in tears and basically freaked me out.

The investigation showed that this was a one-off and no further action was taken, however I remained really shaken.  Also I felt/knew my cards were marked – I had literally been told I was not good enough.   I got more and more panicked and made more and more silly mistakes – hindered only by my dyslexia – which had not been an issue before (or since) in an Advisors role.   I got really depressed and in the end resigned.  She had got what she wanted – or so it seamed to me.

I am pleased I don’t work in that sort of environment any more, I now work for a great company where we are encouraged to be transparent in all things.  In discussions over management the phase “no surprises” is uttered more times than I’ve had hot dinners.  But that sort of bullying (and it was a sort of bullying) has a lasting effect.  Whenever I am called for a formal meeting with my manager or director I get that same knot in my stomach.  Performance reviews are very stressful as I am secretly worried that I am going to be told that I am just not good enough again.

So now that I am arranging my next performance review, with my lovely boss, I will try to go into it positively and let go of the daemons.   After jkf years its time to let go.

So tell me, what experience have you had of bullying and how do you cope with the aftermath?

Late Review of Tru London

Here is another chance to read my guest post on Bill Boorman blog on TruLondon

Nearly six weeks on and I have finally had time to properly reflect on my first experience of an Unconference – and may I say I hope there are many more.

Bill had kindly invited me to this years first TruLondon, unfortunately I was only able to attend for just the one day.

In my blog prior to the event I marked out what I hoped to achieve i.e.:

• How has social media changed the ways some organisations recruit paid staff
• Can we use social media to effectively recruit volunteers and can this been done from a very local level
• How have other organisations improved staff and customer engagement via the use of Social Media
• In practical terms how do you trust your staff/volunteers with social media in the workplace.

Did I achieve my objectives??  On the whole the answer is yes, to all but one.

I did start to understand how social media has changed and constantly changing recruitment.  It is now abundantly clear that Social Media is vital in effective and efficient recruitment of a diverse workforce.  This is a huge topic though, but by networking (with aide of the meet meme cards) I am learning more and more as I follow the other lovely attendee’s on Twitter, Facebook and Linkedin – to you all a huge thank you.

I also started, with the help of Gavin McGlynn’s track, to understand the power a blog or employee hub has when it comes to staff/volunteer engagement.  Again a huge topic but it was great to get a taster for it. It was this session where I learnt that you have to trust your workforce in social media to be self-moderating, and if they don’t you are judged on how you handle it not that they have said an inappropriate thing.

The organisation was very different to that of any other conference I have been to but I loved its informal nature and for me it felt like home.  It was a great day, a huge learning curve, and lots of fun.  I have never felt that tired after a conference before either!

Oh and the objective that didn’t get met?   That was around Volunteers, there were lots of people there with expertise on employee recruitment (regardless of whether its strategic or not) and I would have loved an opportunity to talk volunteers with someone – if there is anyone out there who wants to share volunteering experiences then please get in contact – @kbmayes

I have been able to take a lot away with me from just one day.  Thanks Bill it was really good – I owe you one!

 

Do heed our own advice

I was reading a very touching and personal post from Onatrainagain last night – she mentioned that she was having some problems and I commented that perhaps she should try and look at things from a professional perspective.  That is to say stand back and review the situation as if she were advising an employee or manager.

This has made me think – do we as HR professionals take time to stop and think about an issue or do we (and by we I mean me) plough on regardless in an attempt to resolve matters quickly or even to appear more experienced/clever/efficient/etc?  Is it such a bad thing to say to a line manager – let me think on this and get back to you?

It is something I am trying to do more and more.  I was/am worried that I would appear “weak” for want of a better word, but in fact I have been giving better advice and have been able to second guess myself with colleagues – again something that I would advice – if you have willing colleagues that is.

So tell me HR people, what is your top tip for handling the problems that our job can throw at us – and do you heed your own advice?

What are you waiting for??

I know I keep banging on about it but I have just returned from Maternity Leave.  Although there have been a few changes to my job profile I am continuing to support a good percentage of regional areas (and the same key line managers) as I did before I left.  I am in the process of meeting with these key managers to discuss changes with their people whilst I have been away, current happenings and what we both need to be looking out for the in next few months.

What has surprised me is the number of performance issues that are still “pending” and more to the point were “pending” when I left 10 months ago.  So my question is WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

I know that performance improvement processes are a lot of work, I know that facing up to an issue is never a nice thing to do but please please please don’t avoid them.  Performance procedures can have a positive impact you know and I can cite good examples of where a little attention from a line manager has had fantastic results.  It does not have to be about discipline it can be about encouragement.  It doesn’t even need to be formal (initially at any rate).  I can also cite cases where we have avoided the performance issue, hidden in change management (trying to be nice) and it has come back to bite and bite hard!

So here is my call to action for line managers every where – go on take the bull by the horns.  If any HR type people have good ideas how to get a line manager going then please share.

Use your normal voice!

I have a four year old son, sometimes when I read him a bedtime story, I use different accents/voices when distinguishing between characters.  On occasions he does not want me to do this and I get heckled by the call “Use your norrrrmal voice”.  I was reminded of this today…

Over the last couple of days I have sat in an Employment Tribunal.  I will not and should not, make any comment on this case, especially as we are yet to get a judgement. I do however, have an observation to share (I say observation it is, I admit, more of a rant).

Why (oh why) do Barristers have to be so condescending.

I have listened to both the claimants and respondents excellent witnesses.  All were cross-examined and then subsequently re-examined by two Barristers.  I found both of these Barristers (but I admit one far far more than the other) to be, frankly quite rude.

I am not legally trained and accept that I am not qualified to comment on the idiosyncrasies of English Law but is leading a witness, making them flustered and/or question themselves really the best way to get the best out of that person for the purposes of an ET.  In a criminal court maybe but is it necessary, for an employment setting I really don’t think so.  Lets face it  as an HR professional I would be particularly crap at my job if I talked to employees or managers like that – in fact I would possibly end up in an ET!

What do you think my fellow HR’ers?  Was I right to want to shout “Use your norrrrmal voice”?

Happy Birthday Mr M

We run a very busy life.  Both of us have jobs that take up more than our paid time, we have a wonderful group of friends and neighbours – but this is time intensive, we have a big diverse family – all of whom love us and want to see us, we have an online life – rewarding but needs tending, and most importantly we have our children who, I know we both would spend every hour of every day with, given the slightest chance.  That on top of trying to find time to do the washing,cleaning, exercise, travel, watch films and enjoy our hobbies there is little time left in any given week.

Yet, amazingly and so essentially we spend time together.

(In fact for the first time in our respective careers, today we are going to the same conference together)

You make me laugh, make me cry, make me dream and stop me thinking to much, your my frustration and my delight, my rock and the reason I reach for the stars.  Thank you, I love you and Happy Birthday Stinky!

10 years! TEN YEARS! (Gross Point Blank quote)

A friend and I were chatting and catching up recently and she mentioned that she was still starting to finish her therapy which had been going on for ten years.  Now please don’t get me wrong – I love my friend dearly, it’s up to her and her therapist what they do and how long it takes and frankly its none of my business and nor should it be.

But I was initially surprised by her comment, partially because I wondered how effective the therapy was for it to be still needed after that amount of time and I wondered what there would still be left to talk about after a decade of self discovery (but that could just be that I am an HR Pro of very little brain).

I know people who have been married, had children and been divorced in ten years, others who have completely changed their careers and mastered a new ones.  Yet 2001 doesn’t feel that long ago, I’m still married, living in the same town, still working in HR – and loving all of those I hasten to add (Happy Valentines Day darling!!

So I am asking – how as the last 10 years been for you and is there something your still doing that may need to come to an end?